I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
