When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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