I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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