It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
