he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
