I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
