Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
