I love black thongs
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
