The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
