i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
