Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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