For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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