if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
