remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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