Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
