Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
