I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
