all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
