I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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