May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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