Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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