What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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