I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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