if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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