Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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