do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Randomize
