How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize