Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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