Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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