I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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