I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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