you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
