Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
