When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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