Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
