my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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