Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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