If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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