i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
