Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
