If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
