In the future we'll all be gay
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
