Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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