My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
