They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I enjoy the company of your penis
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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