You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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