I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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