i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
