i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
