so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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