I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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