so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
