Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
