Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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