when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
