the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
