I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
