im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So many bounce houses so little time
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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