Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
