just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
