tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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