Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
