Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
