yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
