Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
