It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
