I wish I could teleport
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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