in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
