i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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