sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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