just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i will never coherently bang her
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
