I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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