Banned from zoo.
Again?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Green mimosas i think yes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
