OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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