So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize