I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
