I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You made out with two different species that night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
