i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
