Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
