I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I am naked and annoyed.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize