at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
